https://babylonbee.com/news/school-shooters-distance-themselves-from-that-weirdo-tim-walz

A spokesperson for the National Association of School Shooters clarified that “we didn’t really know him all that well” and “our moms just made us hang out with him and invite him to our birthday parties sometimes.”

“Yeah, we weren’t, like, friends or anything,” said Vance Walberry, who attempted a school shooting in Minnesota in 1982 but was tackled by the high school quarterback. “He was kinda strange. Kept lurking around the boys’ bathroom asking if anyone needed a tampon.” Walberry shook his head. “We don’t want anything to do with a freak like that.”