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Prepare yourself for a good laugh. Yesterday, Newsweek ran a story headlined, “Florida Lawmaker Introduces Bill to ‘Cancel’ State’s Democratic Party.” What on Earth, you are probably asking yourself. Well, get ready.

Yesterday, Florida Republican State Senator Blaise Ingoglia filed SB 1248, titled “Political Parties (The Ultimate Cancel Act).” If passed, the law would immediately de-certify any political party that previously advocated for slavery or involuntary servitude in their party platform. Any registered voters affected by this de-certification would automatically become “non-party affiliated” (NPA) voters.

Guess what? Coincidentally, the Democrat Party has adopted pro-slavery positions into its platform, not once, but FOUR TIMES: during the conventions of 1840, 1844, 1856, 1860, and 1864. Democrats kept on doing it right up until Republican President Abraham Lincoln made slavery illegal.

Bwahahahahaha! Oh my gosh! It’s brilliant! Kick them while they’re down! Hoist them on their own petard! And so forth! Imagine the rhetorical spaghetti democrats will need to defeat this bill. Will corporate media be able to leave this story alone? What with the mean Republicans viciously attacking their beloved democrats? I sure hope it won’t. This story needs a lot of airtime.

Newsweek reported the State Democrat Party’s response:

“Presenting a bill that would disenfranchise 5 million voters is both unconstitutional and unserious. Under Ron DeSantis, Senator Ingoglia is using his office to push bills that are nothing more than publicity stunts instead of focusing on the issues that matter most to Floridians, such as reforming property insurance, addressing housing affordability, and combating climate change,” the spokesperson wrote.
Huh. He didn’t even mention the s-word. Oh no, democrats, not so fast. Most Floridians DO find opposing slavery to be an issue that matters most, WAY over insurance. So let’s have the debate!